My 32 Year Old Body as a 16 Year Old

I am both seriously annoyed and very grateful that my current MS symptoms (and really, all of them so far) feel very dramatic, yet look either totally invisible or nearly so. For example, at this moment in time my feet are numb, my legs are tingling, and if I look down, my L'hermitte's (read: more tingling) extends through my legs and left arm. I also have numbness in my lower torso, which I don't actually feel at the moment but which becomes apparent anytime I poke myself (which is often, in that scab-picking way). External signs: none. Even when walking or otherwise moving about vigorously, nobody can really tell. After about 200 kicks, my form deteriorates and at some point I go for a wall to add some balance so I can maintain some modicum of technique - but whose kicks *don't* deteriorate somewhat around the 200 mark?

This is gratifying for obvious reasons - I really do prefer to move about under my own power and remain upright as much as possible. Ok, that last part's a lie. What is true is that I prefer to remain upright when I mean to be upright - which may not be all that often, really, but that's sort of beside the point.

What's annoying, though, is that I feel like my body is going through this teen angst period where it's all "NOBODY KNOWS MY PAIN" and writing bad poetry and doodling mildly disturbing things in its notebook, but not actually letting on that there's anything wrong. I feel like I should explain for it, sometimes - "my body is really quite messed up only nobody can tell, and you should care - dunno why, but you just should."

But then I feel like a dork, so I refrain.