Kicking Without Feet is ostensibly about my life as a karateka with MS - a subject I've wandered from quite a bit. But this post is about exactly that.
I find it kind of amazing that I can so far train with relatively minimum obvious loss of skill, despite fumbling over much simpler and pedestrian tasks. Lately I've been dropping things a lot - I can tell that my coordination and fine motor skills are suffering, particularly on my left side. And my left leg is getting tired very easily, and my balance is pretty abysmal. Not to mention the random numb patches scattered across my body. And yet I just got home from a karate class where I was able to do some fairly intricate techniques and combinations - including working with falls and takedowns, multiple kicks, and blocking and striking combinations. *I* could tell that things were wrong - not just internally, but also that my techniques lacked precision - but I don't believe it was very obvious to bystanders.
I think it's because I'm used to concentrating on my karate techniques. It's not that I'm relying on concious thought - I do have the muscle memory - but my attention is focused in a way that it's not when I'm doing things like transferring my keys from my right to my left hand.
I was pretty trashed Saturday after class - for a couple of hours, I almost felt drunk. I was incredibly tired, and would also get dizzy every few minutes, particularly when I changed directions or turned my head. As the day wore on and I lazed about, I started to feel better, but I still wasn't all that good. It scared me.
With that in mind, I really wasn't sure how today would go. I'm glad it went as well as it did, and I feel considerably better today than I did Saturday afternoon. I still feel worse than usual, though. Not only worse than usual, but worse than what is currently 'normal' for me, which is already worse than what has been normal for me at other times. I'm a little dizzy again, and I actually feel a little nauseous. I'm also noticably less coordinated - I'm sort of lurching around. I can type, but I'm noticing that it's harder to type with my left hand than it normally is. I'm having to put just a tiny bit of extra thought and effort into it. But my typing is as accurate as it normally is.
My friend M. said that she'd heard MS described as "being constantly attacked by small children that nobody but you can see." I think it's an apt description.
On Thursday, I travel to New York City to train at Honbu (World Seido Organization headquarters) for the annual Black Belt Clinic. I'm less than pleased that my MS is flaring at this particular moment, but I guess them's the breaks. I'll just have to strive with patience.
Osu.
Monday, June 2, 2008
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